Staying Thankful. Getting Anxious.

It's difficult during these waiting periods to stay hopeful. At the moment we're waiting to find out how aggressive the tumor is, and i'm having trouble waiting patiently. So I decided to make a list (because that's how I roll) of all the things currently concerning me and all the things I am thankful for.

The Thanks (because the positive should always come first)

• My husband is amazing. 
• I am surrounded by the most thoughtful and generous people I could ever ask for. My co-workers have been beyond generous and caring, and my friends and family have been here for me every step of the way.
• The tumor is relatively small for a Sarcoma.
• I have access to the best doctor in the world to treat this, and his team is amazing.
• The University of Washington has research studies about Sarcoma in progress, giving me access to reduced cost/free studies that will assist in my care, and allow me to contribute to the knowledge of this rare cancer.
• We caught it early.

The Concerns

• I really, really, really, can't handle the thought of chemotherapy. The idea of this being a high-grade tumor, requiring chemo is the most terrifying thing. A year of treatment, that may or may not work, that will cause me to lose my hair, miss out on so much participation in my son's daily life, and generally abuse my body.
• Having up to three ribs removed won't be an easy surgery. What will this mean for the rest of my, hopefully long, life? will I still be able to stand straight? run? As the internet is only useful for finding horror stories, all I can find is tales of people who had the same surgery and ended up with fibromyalgia from the nerve damage, and can't live without pain killers. 
• How big will the scar be?

The goofy thoughts (i'm probably not going to be able to use my right arm for awhile, so...)

• Who is going to help me tame this crazy hair of mine every day?
• How hard is it to learn to write with my left hand?
• How long is it going to take me to type a damn email?
• Will my golf game improve without these ribs?
• How long before I can play nintendo again?
• What kind of tattoo can I get to cover that scar?

We'll know more on Tuesday!